


Down The Rabbit Hole

by AlexTHill125



Series: Colors [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Gay, M/M, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, Police Officer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Relationship(s), Sad, Schizophrenia, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-22 14:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4839023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexTHill125/pseuds/AlexTHill125
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Somethings you cant change, Eren."<br/>Heart pounding, Hands shaking. I slowly looked up from my mothers headstone, Noticing the tears that slowly started to trickle down my face. I met the steal cold eyes of a man I had hopelessly fallen in love with almost 2 meters away, I looked away because he was right. I cant change anything. But I can make the best of the situation, Getting up I grabbed the short mans wrist and led him to my mother resting place...<br/>"M-mom, This is L-Levi" voice cracking from the pain coming from my chest. I was crying so hard that my nose started to run, Wiping my wet face off on my sleeve i looked at Levi....<br/>*Levis P.O.V*<br/>Seeing the kid like that made my heart brake instantly, I wanted to cry with him. Thinking of Isabel and Farlan made me mushy but right now I didn't give a damn if anyone saw... A single tear escaped and at the worst time too. His green eyes met my grey ones, His face was all red and his eyes were slightly swollen. But still held beauty, I knew that i just fell down the largest hole called love... But I'm not trying to escape any time soon...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A well needed shower, Interrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first fanfic so yeah. Sorry in advance, Its a short chapter but im just too tired to make it longer... SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE IS ...
> 
> Down The Rabbit Hole

The screeching from an annoying repetitive alarm clock rang right in my ears, Pressing the 'sleep' button and slowly rolling out of bed. Getting up and getting a good morning from all of my joints popping.

"Finally. Fucking. Friday." It came out a whisper but the room was so quiet a 100 year old woman with hearing loss would still be able to repeat what I just said. Looking in the full body mirror adjacent to my bed.

As usual im still short, a sigh left my lips as I grabbed my towel off the post of my bed left there Yesterday after coming home with ice cream and confetti stuck to my face and in my hair after Hanji got the smart idea to throw a party for Erwin, Which ended with Erwin throwing his ice cream in my hair and the start of a very cold war.

"Fucking idiots need to grow up."

 

Another day at the office. Whoopde fucking doo, But thank sweet freckled Jesus it was Friday. I would have probably exploded after Yesterday. I was ready to quit and just say fuck it, I mean I could always just get a new job.... Right? Shaking my head I turned to walk out of my room when i heard a knock at my window. A fucking knock. At my window. At 5:30 am?

"This better be some kid and not Hanji or i swear to G-" 

"LEEEEVVVVVIIII! ITS TIME TO COME TO WOOOORRRKK" At that moment I knew, 1) Yes. Indeed it was Hanji. 2) YUP 5:30 CRACK OF DAWN AT MY WINDOW. 3) I now need to move.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HANJI!?! SERIOUSLY??!! WHAT COUD BE SO IMPORTANT TO BE AT MY WINDOW AT 5:30 AM?!?! MMMHM?!" My voice grew louder as I open the window and see her cheeky smile, The smile she always gives when shes going to do something stupid.

And that's when it hit me. No literately something sticky and wet hit me square in the face.

"Hanji you son-of-a-bitch!"

Throwing my body out my 2nd story apartment, I was shocked at myself that I just jumped out of my window but who gives a fuck right now. HANJI just threw something that i still have no fucking clue is, Her body shot around and bolted the second she assured I was not hurt from the fall. Her sick mind was probably working out how she could get away considering I knew where she lived (Thanks to a specific party she threw on Christmas). Considering my chances of catching her I took them and started to make a B-Line straight for her.

"L-LEVI! DONT BE MADDDD! IT WAS FUNNYYYYY! AHAHA!!!" Her hands shot up in unison with the word funny.

No this was not funny, this was crossing the line.

"You done fucked up Yesterday! Now do you SERIOUSLY think I'm not motivated enough to catch you and perhaps rip off an arm or two?!" I was slowly catching up but I had to work much, much, much harder to run than her because she was blessed with legs like a giraffe. But I'm sure I would catch her before her feet hit the main road, or where ever she parked... And that's when she fell, Face first into the grass. I slowed to a jog as I came up to her, She was laughing and actually crouched in pain from doing so. 

"You are so fucking stupid Hanji..." I now stood above her, a foot on her chest and my face in her bubble. I have her side a playful kick and sat down next to her.

"LEVI! ha I'm sorry! I was just sooooooo bored and Erwin is in Florida! I just have no one to mess with now! I promise that it was only honey!" she clenched her sides and sat up into Indian style. A much more familiar smile creeped onto her face.

"Wow, Really Hanji? Honey? Do you know how hard that is to get out of hair? now how do you think my sink will feel about this? 2 gallons of Drain-O here I come..." I looked at her giving her the usual glare and i ran my hand through my hair. Lets just say there was so much in my hair that i could probably feed a Mother Bear and her 3 cubs for a week and still have enough for my toast... 

"Heh Levi! Your not gonna need Drain-O! HAH!"

"Hanji. I have to go get ready for work now, I might be late. Or maybe i just wont come thanks to you and your honey..." My mid wondered if maybe she would just let me off today, I could use some personal time to go out and grab some new things for the house or eve-

"OH! Now I remember WHY I came!!! Thanks for reminding me Sweetie! Erwin called, And HE wants YOU to take today and the next week off..." She clasped her hands together and with that note I stood up, Wrenching a hand to Hanji offering to help her up. She just looked at it and slapped it away, Getting up in one smooth motion and practically bouncing back to her car.

I got back to my apartment and realized that once again I forgot to lock my door after coming home, And that there was someone else inside...


	2. A Man, Disguised.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finds a note in his home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm in school, but i got done with all of my stuff so here comes a new chapter.... :3 ~! Its just a mini-filler chapter but other wise it still gives background information..

*Erens POV*  
My nose wrinkled from the strong scent of bleach and lemon. This guy... Or Girl was definitely into cleaning, Not a single space in this house had a speck of dust on it. I moved from the entry way of the apartment closing the front door, My shoes made a squeak from moving from my spot on the laminate tile. It was still dark out, I might just be able to grab a few things. Going though the small hallway I noticed from the pictures that hung up on the wall I noticed a man did indeed live here... I inferred that he also had a sister. The photo that was hung was a simple one but it spoke a thousand words to me, Her hair bright red hair in two pigtail and a smile plastered on her face. She was happy, The man in the photo just gave a small smirk giving his sad, cold, stone grey eyes a more heart warming lift to them. The other male was in the background giving them both bunny ears a huge smile plastered on his face. I followed the short trail of pictures to a bedroom, the door slightly cracked and the window wide open. The room was simple, A full bed that was not yet made. A dresser, and a full body mirror. on top of the dresser was two candles and two single simple black frames decorated the pale white wall, After further inspection they were not just frames but Obituary Cards... 

I feel bad about my attempt to stealing from this man, He truly seemed happy. But what I just found made my heart break even further, the two single white cards with a name printed on each. Isabel Magnlia on the one with a simple black bird printed on the front beside her name, And the other Farlan Chruch no pictures were on this one but a simple quote 'You haven't die for nothing, You have changed this world and me in miraculous ways. I will never forget the memories that we have cherished, and the dreams you have not yet to accomplish. Fly high brother.'

My eyes were now starting to water, Thinking about if my mom was to die. What would I do with myself? I stepped back from the dresser, My thoughts racing. Never staying on the same subject for more than a few seconds. 

I just cant take from this man, hes lost too much already... No matter how rich you are, You never deserve for your own family or friends to be stolen from you. 

I now raced to the kitchen searching for a drawer that contained a pen and maybe some paper, After searching 3 of the 5 drawers I found a pen. Writing in my usual chicken scratch I grabbed a napkin from the first drawer. My subconscious proofreading the note as i wrote it. 

'Sir, I intended to steal from you. But I found some things that Id rather forget. No one deserves to lose a friend, Or Family. I'm sorry for even trying to come here, Do not worry... I will never come back. Good Luck Sir... - E' 

I took one last glance at the apartment and left, Leaving the pen with the napkin. I shut the door quietly and hurried down the 2nd floor stairs to the main entrance. Giving the man that walked in a hello and a nod holding he door open, He was short and didn't have any shoes on, And to me it looks like he had something super sticky in his hair... He gave me a polite nod and we went our separate ways.

Standing under the bright light of the bus stop, waiting on the first bus of the morning my mind wonders to the man with the cold eyes and his family. Who is he? I do not pity the man but I give my sympathy to him, He has lost someone he cared for something I wish wouldn't happen...

Mikasa is probably up and worried... But I just hope and pray to god she doesn't call mother while she is in the hospital and make her worry even more than she already does. Digging though my pockets just to make sure that i had enough for the ride to the station and for a transfer, I found a wadded up dollar bill and a few dimes. Exactly enough change for the ride... Taking out my hand the big green monster pulls up to the curb and its exhaust makes a loud cry, cringing as I hop on the bus. I pulled out the dollar bill and fed it to the teller, Giving the man who drove a nod and made my way to the back. This ride was going to be long.... 

After an hour of waiting at the station for my transfer bus to arrive I hop on the now busy bus to go home. A woman with her 2 young kids quietly sitting with her, A man holding on to the rail above them. A few teens quietly grasping at there bags most likely to do the homework that they haven't yet been able to do, due to family issues and private ones. Walking past them made a whisper of memories rush to my mind.. The last day of school was only a few days away, but gladly enough I finished a year early due to my mothers illness. The grim reminders of the bullies even though my sister Mikasa was in almost every single one of my classes there was always one asshole who would still make fun of me or how i liked to learn, Armin was in the AP classes so he was my tutor when I was having difficulties grasping the subject that we were learning. But some how I graduated, Without Armin and Mikasa I probably wouldn't have.

I sat down in my usual seat, All the way in the back adjacent to the row of floor heaters. Even if it was the beginning of summer it still felt nice to have a slightly warm breeze on you. The ride back to the house wasn't far, but with the frequent stops at the High School, Mall, and a few other small businesses it made the ride seem longer than what it really was. But no doubt when we rolled onto my street I pulled the thin yellow line running from the front of the bus to the back to signal a stop. Mikasa was there. Waiting. Arms crossed and an intimidating look on her face. The bus rolled to a stop and made its loud noises, I gave her my biggest smile and walked right past her. Keeping my thoughts to myself, I walked into the house. My mind was drifting off as Mikasa started to yell and tell me that i better have a good reason for leaving so early....

*Levis P.O.V*   
After a quick search though the small apartment and making a small checklist on what was still here, Surprisingly everything was indeed still here. But a small note on a napkin caught my attention afterwards. In the worst handwriting a simple note, from a burglar made me remember the day I found Isabel and Farlan. Murdered in the streets, The suspect was never caught. 

The though made my stomach churn, I was the one who found them after getting reports of gunshots in a small neighborhood. They were killed for the money that they had in there pockets, a whopping total of maybe $50. They were coming home from buying me my birthday present, the stupid cat card still unopened in my dresser drawer, And the winged necklace still dangling on my chest. Being a police officer had its perks, but id rather trade jobs with the lady at Kroger who said hello to the customers after seeing my two best friends dead in the street.

'Sir, I intended to steal from you. But I found some things that Id rather forget. No one deserves to lose a friend, Or Family. I'm sorry for even trying to come here, Do not worry... I will never come back. Good Luck Sir... - E' 

This note was left here because he felt pity right? No, I don't need anyone's pity. Grabbing my pack of cigarettes and the lighter that always soon follows its lead, I headed out to the patio taking the napkin between my pointer finger and my thumb I light it on fire and drop it into the metal coffee canister. Taking a cigarette out of the pack while watching the napkin burn I light it and take a deep inhale, Getting a small nicotine high as I do. 

"Isabel? Farlan? If you can hear me, I just wanted to let you both know that I'm always thinking about you two. And that I love and miss you guys so much." I said while letting a single tear escape, gazing at the slowly rising sun.


	3. This Cant Be...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... Sorry it's been taking me so long to finally come up with this.... I've been having a hard time in foster care right now.. but that's okay. And I'm kinda struggling with school but. oh well. HEY AT LEAST IN PASSING. LMAO... Leave a kudos and a comment. maybe even stick around and put up with my bad habit of not writing as much as I used to??? But please. enjoy !!!~♡

*Levis P.O.V*   
The long night sitting in the old police car had be uneventful, other than a drunk needed to be taken to the 'detox cell' for the night interrupted by a call comin in about a shooting on 4th avenue and Glendale. Two shot and in need of back up, I turned on my sirens and shook my head. 

Great. another shooting in the hood.

I arrived at the scene moments later and a heavy weight was pressed into my shoulders. Isabels bag that I bought her for her 19th birthday was laying on the ground. 

I quickly got out of my cruiser and stoped almost immediately. Dropping to my knees when I seen them. Laying on the ground. Dead. 

no.no.no.no NO. NOT ISABEL. NO. NOT FARLAN. NO. NO. 

A steady stream of tears came from both my eyes, Erwin was already trying to revive Farlan, pumping his heart and trying to kickstart it once again. It was useless. He was gone. And so was Isabel. 

The ground seems so cold now. The lines from years of frowning just got deeper. Eyes seemed to darken as if I lost all hope. 

The small pool of blood was slowly starting to freeze, the December chill was getting worse. And this year. Christmas and my 30th birthday whould be more empty.... 

10 days after   
It's offical. I'm 30, and Christmas fucking sucks. 13 packages neatly wrapped in blue and orange Christmas paper sat untouched under the tree that stood naked and bare. 8 of which included theirs and 5 of my own. Mostly from Isabel, I couldn't fin the energy to even open them. The last goofy Christmas and birthday presents that I will ever get from my Brother and Sister. 

My hands reach for theirs. Not wanting to rip the paper I set them aside and grab all of mine. Gently unwrapping the first from Isabel.

The small box was just blank. A note attached to it as always. 

'big bro, merry Christmas! and HAPPY birthday!! I love you, you short stack!' 

The small box had an opening at the bottom. And a smallish mug fell into my lap. On it was a painting of the sea at sunset. Something I've always wanted to do with the goofballs... 

The next two turned out to be larger than I thought. An original painting done by Farlan, and a clay sculpture of a pigeon from Isabel. 

The tears that I couldn hold back left my cheeks and dripped onto the last 2 gifts. I already knew what they were. But that doesn't make it any easier when I finally open them.

The sleek black frame of the family photo that we all agreeded on was cold under my fingers, the last picture I have with the two humans I can call family. A smile was plastered on her face and Farlan was giving me bunny ears. I looked cold even with a smile, compared to the two lively people I stood by.

And the final gift. 

Just a letter. A personal hand written letter from my dear sister. 

'Big Bro  
I know life's hard on you righ now, but it will all get better sooner or later. right? Just be like a duck and let the water roll off your back! At least some of Farlans wisdom is useful!! Dont let anyone stop you from being the best person you can be! we love you Levi. Don't ever forget it.   
-Isabel and Farlan...   
p.s Look under your bed.

I quickly got up and ran to my room. Looking under the old mattress for the last gift. Sure enough there was a Black sweatshirt with two wings on the back its an old legend 'the wings of freedom'. Apperently I needed a little hope back into my life... 

thank you. Isabel, Farlan...


	4. Her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evens P.O.V  
> Maybe some sadness. Mother?  
> And of course maybe Coffee?  
> Sorry it's short... I wrote this on my way to re mall...

Erens P.O.V  
I hate mondays. they always just seem to so super slow or maybe even just freeze in time. A minute seems as if It could last an hour and an hour is an eternity. The soft beeping of a heart monitor and the easy breathing of a mother who just wants to get better. Eyes glazed over as if she was crying for too long, mouth stuck slightly ajar. My heart clenched as if she was already gone. 

it's been 2 years since she was 'normal'. the cancer running rampant in her body. Taking control of her.

I held her handand gave it a slight squeeze hoping for her week smile to show. But it didn't. The only response I received was her head moving to glance my way and a few blinks of her eyes. 

She was strong. But every person has there weakness and hers was taking over. My father said she whould die soon.

\------------------

"Eren." a soft voice spoke over the hazy cloud that I had been consumed in.

The voice came from my adopted sister Mikasa. Her head was hung low an her hand placed on my shoulder. The visit with my mother has gone smoothly but the everlasting pain that was inside never seemed to vanish. Looking up at her, her eyes red and puffy.Her red scarf that I had giver her many years ago just seemed to start to become thin and ragged, Only covering her mouth and shoulders. 

"yeah" I shook my head and stood up, looking at her thin body, she hasn't eaten in what seems like a few days. Her skin was pale and her thin fingers never left my arm. Always seemed as if she was protecting me and not having a single worry about herself. 

"Dad said moms about to... " she stoped and looked at me "do you want to go back now?" a tear fell from her eye, and slowly rolled down her face. 

"Yeah. let's go." I slowly walked towards the door leading outside.My heart hammered in my chest and we walked to the hospital. 

\----------------  
I was just here earlier. How could she have gotten so thin and plale within the last few hours. Her breathing was raggedbut she moved her hand towards me, I walked over and gently sat on the side of the bed. Holding her bruised hand and gently caressing her thin fingers. 

"I love you Eren. Please never ever look back and think that I won't miss you." Her voice was soft. She gave me a smile and looked over at Mikasa on the other side of her bed. Holding her other hand. 

"Mikasa. My what a strong woman you have become. I love you my little Pomegranate." A steady stream of tears now escaped from Mikasas eyes. 

I was the first to break though.

As soon as I felt her hand give slack and become cold I broke. 

"m-mom." My voice broke and it seemed as if I couldn't hold on any longer and I cried. The pain flooding up from out of my chest and withered me unable to speak. 

i thought to myself  
'is this goodbye?'


End file.
